Something I love about myself is that I can be 100% honest with myself. If you think you can too, I'm going to have to say "I doubt it". It's not a common trait from what I've seen and it took years of various difficult life lessons for me to finally reach this point. It started when I attended a REAL Success Conference last year, which hosted a number of motivational speakers from all over the country. One of the speakers was Robin Banks, whom I absolutely adore and have been lucky enough to have met him in person (not that he will remember me) but I will always remember the day he said this: "You have to take 100% responsibility for your life. That means taking responsibility for EVERYTHING. No excuses." This statement really got me thinking about how many people and circumstances I was blaming for why I wasn't successful yet.
I really thought I was a strong girl who never blamed her past or her childhood for her current circumstances. But who or what was I blaming then? Well, the truth is, I was actually blaming myself. Why? I was blaming myself because that's what I was led to believe. The "leaders" I had surrounded myself with were not leaders, they were simply managers. And that's all they did - manage me. You know, highlight the weaknesses and ignore the strengths. So for years I focused almost all of my attention on strengthening my weaknesses and you can guess how that worked out.
I have recently gone through a nasty experience in my personal life where I was essentially being bullied. I have very real fear of confrontation and it's because of this I have allowed people to walk all over me. It's through this experience that I came to realise that I have in fact been bullied by not only the people in this personal situation but in the workplace too. I just never noticed it until now. In fact, what's even more disturbing is the type of praise I receive in the workplace. I have been told many times that I have a great attitude. I receive criticism so well!
Well the rain has gone baby and I can see very clearly now! This great attitude you speak of is simply a "thank you for being submissive". It's a nodding of heads saying "she knows her place". It took me 8 years to stand up to my now ex-husband and it was the best thing I could have ever done. It has taken me almost 15 years to come to the same realization only this time in my career. The fear still grips me, but I have been pushed aside for far too long. I have so much more to offer the world than diary management and minute taking.
I'm not about to walk into my bosses' office with an emotionally elaborate speech that should warrant inspirational background music, but I do need to reassess my situation. I need to make a change and soon. I have been exhausting myself trying to be great at something that I am not naturally good at. I am literally tired ALL the time and this is why.
I discovered an awesome online test just before writing this and I suggest you take it too. It's literally 5 questions that will help you determine your area of genius. The results are extremely accurate, which you will see if you give some time to go through all the sections. I'm definitely going to invest more time on this site to help me figure out what my next steps will be.
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